Monday, 2 February 2009

"Around & About" Gary Hill 1980

"I'm sure it could have gone on another way, a completely different way, a way that doesn't ever come to mind but that's a given. One can never observe all the possibilities and still go on to the next. Sometimes one just exits and enters again. I think I can agree with myself that it is not a matter of choice. You might think that agreeing is a kind of choice, even a blatant choice, but that's not all you are interested in either.

There's another determining factor and that's what we have to concentrate on, at least I do. I agree it is easy to get sidetracked. It's not even that there's a lot going on. We're just busy. I mean it's not complicated. You can go on, I can go on. We can assume there's something happening, or not something happening. I don't know perhaps it's unfair to go on, maybe we should take our minds of it and think about something else. Maybe it is not worth thinking about at all, but that leads to other things just as problematic. Maybe it should be more complicated. We are looking at it too simply.

Look, we don't have to consider all the possibilities but instead a really complicate one, if that's what you want to do. I don't know, maybe it's my fault. I came unprepared. I'm not ready to be complex. I don't think that's the answer though. I don't think it's an answer we're looking for. In certain ways that's probably obvious by now. Even knowing that you're a little uneasy with it and I am too. But I think it's a way I can work with now. And maybe you can and maybe you can't. I mean I'm thinking about that, there's time involved here and it's yours as much as mine. I certainly don't want to threaten your time or make you feel you have to be decisive, yet I want you to be here. I mean I assume you are here but I don't want to back you into a corner and by the same token I don't want you to start from that corner. That's a particular relationship I would like to put aside for now.

I know this isn't free of bullshit, I mean I'm coming from somewhere of a self conscious place. It's a kind of staking I mean the ideas just pull up but are interwoven. They're not connected or disconnected. It's a thought at least. I can see it. Disembodied ideas being thrown against a wall. But that isn't fair. That isn't fair for me or you. That really kind of loads things down and that's not my intention. I can assure you of that. I want you to be with me. I mean you don't have to listen. Just hear me out. I don't want you to be involved in deciphering anything. But then that's your prerogative and I don't want to get in your way. There's something that can be said for that and I hear you but I don't want to listen to it.

I realize it's easy for one to say that I'm being ambiguous. But I don't think so. I mean if you want to leave you can do that or you can just turn off. I'm not trying to say I'm indifferent, I just think there's a way here. Maybe you really do hear me and I'm going on and on, but we have to continue for some time. I'm mean I think that's part of it. It would be easy to stop at this point, it would just be interesting and over and possibly boring. But that isn't even the issue, it's important that we go on.

This is the way I think it has to be right now. If it wasn't this it would be that and there's still this area that we have to get through, so that the "this" and the "that" won't become significant to this. I mean what I am talking about isn't important in that way that importance draws attention. You might even think this is a game of some sort but really you've tried ways that were adjacent to this one when you weren't thinking about the consequences. You may even have heard this before in so many words. But I want to go on, I'm not interested in this kind of talking. It has its purpose but it can get very sticky. I would rather settle with you, some way that's non reversible, a way of being with you when it's the only way.

When I arrived here I have no way of knowing it would be this way. I thought about it a lot in the beginning. I tried different ways in thinking of you. What you response would be? And that has to be considered now too. I've never lost sight of that. I don't think there's been a lost of anything, it's just that I haven't been accumulating things for me or you. There's always time for a sense of urgency. I want to avoid that for now. I don't know though, maybe you are waiting for that, waiting and listening."


n said...

people need to start dividing their blog into paragraphs!
my pet peeve of the day.
this is cool though.

amanda said...

it did go the other way. oh well.

i echo n. paragraphs!!

dagrease said...

well, i mean, it really does just keep going. but for you two. i fixed it.